“I saw a book at the used place the other day, they always pick some things to display behind the counter – not necessarily because they’re expensive, but just as a showcase, I guess.  They had an instructional manual – you know, one of those how-to books from the late seventies, early eighties that were oversized but thin, like a magazine?”

“OK, I know what you mean.”

“It was called ‘The Art of Portrait Photography’, and on the cover, in full color, their example of this Art, seated in a sturdy wood chair surrounded by a heavy knit afghan and some crocheted pillows, was Loretta Swit!”

“Loretta Swit!  Do you think she is really appropriate to demonstrate the Art of Portrait Photography?  I find her to be a troubling figure.”

“Loretta Swit?  Major ‘Hot Lips’ Houlihan?  How so?”

“When I was growing up, she was presented as this major sex symbol, and I just never understood it.  Her character on M*A*S*H was supposed to be so desirable…”

“But she wasn’t.”

“Not at all.”

“The character was definitely supposed to be sexy; she was replacing Sally Kellerman from the movie, and Sally Kellerman was a sexy woman – a sexy woman for that era, for the 1970s, for sure.”

“Do you consider Loretta Swit a sexy woman of that era?  Is Loretta Swit a sexy woman of the seventies?”

“The 1870s, absolutely.”

“Maybe then.”

“I think she’d have been fine, then.  She’s a handsome woman, sturdy.  Strong constitution…  More the kind of thing they were looking for at that time.” 

“If no one else was available.”

“If, for instance, all other eligible ladies already had suitors and she remained unspoken for, then yes, I believe a gentleman might find it agreeable to… hang his stovepipe in her vestibule, absolutely.”

copyright,  © 2006 Wyatt Doyle

for information on Wyatt Doyle's collaboration with Stanley Jason Zappa, STOP REQUESTED, click here.